angrykndy's Journals on Buzznet http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/ en-us <![CDATA[the sound of loneliness makes me happier]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3844771/ i sat listening to this song on repeat one night and wrote you a note. i listened to this song until it lost it's meaning and the night had spread itself thin over the world. the note i wrote you still remains. the cruel black and white stuck to the page. the tattoo you can't cover up. and it's meaning too, is lost. so all i have left is this song that i'm listening to on repeat. and it's changed so much since the last time i heard it. like revisting a place you loved as a child only to find it's been turned into a parking lot.

"I don't think that I ever loved you more than when you turned away."

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2009-03-09T08:45:58Z <![CDATA[Yesterday the night before]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3701401/ Dear New,

I know you're still asleep in your bed. Your eyelids still fastened shut without a hint of sunlight piercing through to rouse your mind. But my mind has been awake for hours sweeping every memory of you I can find out of the corners. Trying to convince myself if you're really real, or if you were a beautiful perfect dreamers invention. If, in a moment that stood still even with constant interuption, you were really the smiling face. If you were really the warm body. If you were really the touching hand. If you were really the undivided attention. The searching eyes. The person who burrowed deep inside and makes me want to assure your now rousing mind, that it was not all a dream. Don't ponder simple doubts that will make you stay away. My laugh, my smile, my heart was all yours. Yesterday the night before.

 

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2009-02-01T07:27:28Z <![CDATA[It's not a fashion statement, it's a death wish]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3648791/ I'm not a fan of name brands but I want this label. One word. One name. Yours. Etched on every adornment I possess. You're my latest fashion. My favorite accessory. Take care with every thread of every stitch of everything that holds it all together. Cuffs and chains and plaid on silk. I fit into you like hands in gloves. I want this label. Why do you have to be so far out of my price range?

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2009-01-19T14:39:56Z <![CDATA[I can't let it go]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3608111/ Dearest Unlonely,

I don't want to be your favorite enemy. Why can it be that no two people feel the same way at the same time? Your smile's on fire. And still my heart won't let you down. -Xavia-

I just want you to know that even though I've let you go my heart never gives in. Still echoing your name in every beat. The steady rhythm never falters tho my mind wonders. It's as if they didn't belong to the same person. Still...ever persistant, the wondering of my mind always seems to find a way to sleep beside you. Exhausted from the rapid pace it keeps trying to flee from the memory of your eyes.

I got my wish. My one unmentioned fragile request. The thing that left a dent. But I'm hopeful still that the kindness I felt glowing so warm from you will return with the spring.

Please know that you still have me. That I wish you well. And despite the consequence I will remain unrelentingly yours. I had nothing but the best intentions.

 

Yours

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2009-01-09T13:03:29Z <![CDATA[winter passing]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3567071/ Buzznet angrykndy 2008-12-31T06:25:42Z <![CDATA[I'm sending up smoke signals, but only you can prevent forest fires]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3516691/ Part of me wishes you would do something awful to make me hate you. Just so I could stop. Just so there would be some sort of end to everything there's no reason for. You're the first person I think of when I wake and I don't even know you. Somewhere buried at the bottom of my heart I can only hope that you'll never respond. That there will never be a new message in my inbox with your name attached to it. That way this could all end. And I could stop wasting my time wishing for someone who will never be there.

I'm running out of cute things to say because they've been replaced with absolute honesty.

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2008-12-18T01:48:29Z <![CDATA[Take the rope to my heart and fall]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3510661/ I've stared into the mirror a thousand times. Facing off against myself just to see what I'm really made of. Trying to see some piece of me left looking out from behind my eyes. But all I see is you.

And in the mirror it's like you think that I can't see the ghost that you are. The ghost of the man you've become. And all of your shiny new things won't fill the empty spaces. The graves you've dug. Your mind is a cemetary. And I sleep there.

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2008-12-16T13:59:59Z <![CDATA[I'll be your number 1 with a bullet]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3510141/ I made you the mascot of my fleeting heart. Investments of time and thought should never be charged interest. Your smile is the crescent moon. Always waxing never waning. The face of salvation for a crowd of adoring size youth smalls. The disguise of kindess hides the heartbreaker. Win me over with your demonstration. It's not for profit. You're a volunteer. Convince me that you're just like me when behind your eyes lie...Your eyes lie. And you never had to say a word to make me believe you. Just don't make your next show my disapearing act.

 

"Take aim at myself, take back what you said" -Sugar We're Going Down, Fall Out Boy-

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2008-12-16T11:15:00Z <![CDATA[Press 0 to speak to a real person]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3491861/ Chasing the second hand on a clock. Around and around we go. Running circles in my head chasing a cab down the street around a block of cement. Through a door into the cold. I see your breath rising in clouds and follow behind just close enough to breathe them in. The taste of exhaled smoke entering my lungs. The fulfillment of the chase. Into a dark room with colored lights. Moving against steam filled bodies dripping wet. Music filled marionettes. I close my eyes and reach. Around your neck. Through your hair. and pull. Lips and sweat and eyes and skin. If all we are is all alone. We're born alone. We die alone. Beautiful nameless. Consentual stranger. Lets leave together. And wake up alone.

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2008-12-11T09:26:00Z <![CDATA[Long live the car crash hearts]]> http://angrykndy.buzznet.com/user/journal/3474381/ This is the letter I will never write you.

Dear You,

I know I'm not the first and I certainly won't be the last to have this feeling. And I find that comforting somehow. I find myself replaying that night over and over in my mind. I close my eyes and all I can see is your face. I play it back in slow motion. The first time you walked across my path and freezing up was all I could do to not melt. Our eyes locked and I swear to you that from that moment on the only person I see is you. With one look you wrapped me around your finger. Without one word said more to me than a thousand songs could sing. I know this is crazy. I just have to say this. To try to find some sort of comfort when I feel so close to you when you're so far away. This distance will not do. Every second is filled with resentment of it. Every second makes this space seem greater. And it's debilitating knowing I can't change this. Why did I find you if all I have is a feeling and a picture? Why do I feel this way if all we ever had was that night? Can I take it all back and never have driven that distance. Can I not walk into the venue. Can I keep my eyes on the ground and never have seen you pass by. Never watched you take the stage. Never walked to the back of the room where you were. Never felt you so near only to know that it may never happen again. Even with as nostalgic as the night was the best part of it was you. And this anger inside me subsides everytime I felt how your smile awoke something in me that I thought had died. And I'll never regret anything I've said or the distance I'll go if you're in this with me. Perhaps the distance I'm willing to go will make the end destination your address. Maybe your tour route will bring you to mine.

Believe me when I say that if you felt what I felt the moment we looked in each others eyes, there is no world that will keep us apart.

I love you always and never, Me

]]> Buzznet angrykndy 2008-12-07T07:59:00Z